Day 4 Wake up little sushi...

I was almost out the door when I realized I should probably write...

Today is a much better day. I am heading down to Mill Creek for the walk that strangely enough has already turned into jogging.

I had a wonderful day yesterday, and it gave me hope that regardless of the past I still had a future. A very wise person told me something I needed to hear, and that is "We all make mistakes." I have made many...ok more than "many." But, she was right...and I know that is how we learn. Ok, enough about that. Sorry, one word of advice - Always be honest, no matter how hard it is. Ok, done.

So I had like THE BEST sushi last night. Small place in Olathe. People were awesome and I truly enjoyed myself. I have been eating so healthy lately and I feel good. I do have a little headache this morning, but I think that is because of stress at work and the emotional rollercoaster of this week's events. I am heading up north this afternoon and will do some biking. Tomorrow will be fun as the band and some friends will be joining me for a little music and mayhem. I for one am really looking forward to it. I am thinking stuffed pork tenderloin on the grill.


That's about it, ...oh one more thing.

I broke a vase when I was a kid, it was a gift my mother had received from her mother. I actually threw it at my sister, but that is another story. Anyway, come to find out my father had actually purchased the vase for my grandmother to give as a gift to my mom. When my dad heard the crash, he first yelled at me...then gathered up all of the pieces and told me to not say a word...he would replace the broken one with an identical one. Very sneaky... Now the reason it was so special, is that my grandma had just passed away. It was a big deal.

Fast forward. So, my Dad does his dirty work and all is well. What we didn't know is that my Grandma had written something special for my mom on the bottom of the broken vase. My Mom caught it a few weeks later. She was so upset. The new vase was nothing like the old, and was really only there to take the pain of no vase at all. That vase is in a cabinet now, it was the same vase - but not even close to the original.

So, divine words of wisdom... I believe it is natural for us to not want to have voids in our lives. I do also believe that replacing something quickly to fill a void or preempt any grief is not healthy. Especially for the other person, if the "void" is another person... Oh, yes in the beginning the person is just like the vase, looks and feels just like the original - but in the end, not so much. And, using my Mom as an example when she realized the original was truly gone...her grief was more painful.

If you don't understand what I am trying to convey...comments are always appreciated.

Late phone calls are scary...

"It was when I returned from JAX, when I was talking to Kathleen. We were apart. That was a really rough time for me...the job, you. Do you remember that time? I was dying inside and I made a mistake. I was ashamed to speak of it."

I will say that my memory of time is pretty bad. I was told that this week. I started a journal but abandon it. I need to start it again. I hope to only write good things from now on.

Ok, it's a sunny day...time to make it mine!